Sudden Money

by Jim Farrar (1978)

I’ve often fantasized about sudden money, to wake up some morning and find out that I’m rich and famous. Especially rich.

Those that have it say it’s no big deal. But they’re used to having it. Playboy magazine recently asked Neil Simon what it feels like to become suddenly wealthy. He told them “sudden money means going from zero to two hundred dollars a week. The rest doesn’t matter.”

It has been estimated that Neil Simon makes about $45,000 a week. Sure, Neil – the rest doesn’t matter, right?

Ah, but if I were rich. If I had dollar bills protruding from every orifice in my body, I suppose I could say that I’d be a magnanimous philanthropist, perhaps give a few million to some worthy charity. And I could also say that my habits as they are now really wouldn’t change that much if I were to become an instant millionaire. Both are nice thoughts, I guess, but they’re probably not very accurate.

Basically, I’m a closet hedonist. If given the chance, I could be extremely self-indulgent. Yep, if I had the bucks I’d buy myself a house in L.A., New York, London, and beleive it or not, Boise, Idaho. Then I’d get me a Lear Jet to whisk me to and from my little castles. Of course I’d have a Mercedes Benz and a Porsche Carrera in each garage, plus a Jeep for my house in Boise.

I’m a homespun boy – my tastes are rather simple, (add a swimming pool, tennis court, and a $3,000 sound system to that list, please).

And, most important of all, if I were rich I’d never have to work another day in my life. I could sit by my swimming pool and rot.

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